I could hear the cheeky glint in his eye. At recordings of Clue, even I could forget there was a script. 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners This page was last edited on 1 February 2023, at 00:16. ", "As the frisky tomcat of fate confronts the scalpel of destiny, and the precious natural woodland of time meets the motorway extension of eternity", "As the Ford Anglia of time fails the MOT test of eternity, and the dappled donkey of fate ambles toward the abbetoir of destiny", "Well as the delicate mayfly of time collides with the speeding windscreen of fate, and the angry wasp of destiny flies up the trouser leg of despair", "As the loose boweled pigeon to time swoops low over the tourist of destiny, and the unlicensed mini-cab of fate gets lost in the one-way system of eternity", "As the short-sighted rhino of time attempts to mount the VW beetle of eternity, and the rubber glove of hope gets lost in the Aberdeen Angus of destiny", "As the great tit of time nibbles through the gold top of eternity, and the unseen mouse droppings of fate nestle in the Crunchy Fruit and Nut muesli of destiny", "As the rogue purple underpants of time begin their assault on the whites-only wash cycle of destiny, and the twin buttocks of fate are sucked into the malfunctioning chemical toilet of eternity", "As the armpit hair of time is snagged in the ball deodorant of destiny, and the Harpic of eternity spills unseen onto the loo roll of fate", "As the red red robin of time goes bob-bob-bobbing under the snow plough of destiny, and the sage and onion stuffing mixture of fate is rammed up the eternally unfrozen turkey of damnation", "As the grubby raincoat of time opens to reveal the upright Member of Parliament, and the categorical denial of destiny is swiftly followed by the resignation letter of fate", "As the wee-willy-winky of time pops out of the nightgown of eternity", "As the chill wind of time blows up the kilt of destiny, and the short-sighted octopus of fate attempts to mount the bagpipes of eternity", "As the little Jack Horner of time pulls out his plums of fate, and the little Tommy Tucker of destiny looks for a rhyme we can broadcast", "As the plastic cup of time fails to emerge from the vending machine of destiny, and the scalding coffee substitute of fate splashes onto the unsuspecting crotch of eternity", "As the false teeth of time come away in the Granny Smith of destiny, and the Grandpa Smith of fate decides he needs stronger dentifix", "As the 4x4 of destiny on the level crossing of fate, stalls in the path of the speeding freight train of doom, and the signalman of time rushes to fetch his camera", "As the hunter of time blasts the moose of destiny, and as the dairy counter worker of fate grabs the mop of destiny", "Lionel Blair & Christopher Biggins recently appeared on Stars in Their Eyes, where Lionel singing Maggie May came second to his old teammate. Just imagine, it's a sunny Monday night in December in lovely Brighton, the cast of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue are singing one song out of tune to another, while Colin Sell has a disagreement with a grand piano. Indeed, he often said he wanted to drive between gigs in a tradesman's van with "Humphrey Lyttelton: Purveyor of Blue-Chip Filth" written on its sides. New voices Pippa Evans is now a regular on the show. In this game, the teams imagine what effect certain letters might have had on history, had they not gone missing: Dear Dr Guillotine, We shall be pleased to grant a licence for your automated haircutting device just as soon as youve addressed one or two safety issues weve identified. "Dear Mr. Rees, I understand you're looking for suggestions for your 'Quote, Unquote' programme. 87 ratings5 reviews I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is the most listened to comedy programme on British radio. 2021 Associated Newspapers Limited. Not Humph. ISIHAC TOUR Quotations that certain celebrities would be most unlikely ever to say: Neil Kinnock To cut a long story short Jerry Springer Your private life is no concern of mine, David Attenborough No, pass me the BIG gun, John Humphrys No, no, please finish your point. Desperately sad news to hear that Tim Brooke Taylor died today from coronavirus - he was 79. What do you think? 45 of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes ", "The round is called Karaoke Cokey, and it'll be led by Colin Sell at the piano. I think the Clue boys were quite pleased to have fresh people in.. So me and Harry Hill wrote signs saying: Barry! and held them up. 25 of Charlie Brookers most cutting jokes and insults Actually, listeners may be fascinated to learn that before Christmas, Colin was employed to play the piano for The Stranglers. During his silent, solitary pre-show read-through in a dingy corner of the theatre, I would occasionally spot him scribbling notes when he discovered a typo or a grammatical error. Comedian and BBC Radio 4 'I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue' stalwart Barry 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones comedy I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue The self-styled antidote to panel games. Before Chairman Humph, panel games had been chaired by nice chaps (and they invariably were chaps) who hoped we'd all enjoy the show as much they were going to enjoy delighting each other with their wit and wisdom. However, given the graphic nature of the sexual acts that were "inadvertently" described, that is at least borderline disingenuous. Did anyone say Mornington Crescent? Opportunity Knocks said it was the worst novelty drag act they'd ever had on the show. Save. He spent 4 days holding up a dried arrangement at the Chelsea Flower Show. Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand broadcast an offensive phone call to the actor Andrew Sachs. This is the game where the team are presented with the first half of memorable quotations to finish off: Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Box Set Of 6 CD's Used | eBay ", "Dear Mrs McCartney: My, what a terrible mess. 26 of Seann Walshs greatest jokes ", "Accompaniment here will be provided by Colin Sell at the piano. The joke's on me | Radio | The Guardian Which is why I havent., The other night, this salesman phoned up and started banging on and on about buying car insurance. . How did Blair take this weekly misrepresentation of his sexuality? Read about our approach to external linking. "Dear David Dickinson, I can sum up why the BBC have your programme on TV every night in three words: Cheap As Chips. Here are some of the funnyman's most hysterically glum jokes: "I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs - like custom officers. Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Box Set Of 6 CD's Used at the best online prices at eBay! 23 of Outnumbereds funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes) Jeremy Hardy: remembering the comedians funniest jokes and quotes n 11 April 1972 at 12.25pm, between a You and Yours discussion on Whats new in playground equipment and a World at One report on Labour party turmoil over the Common Market referendum, BBC. ", "You know, I was interested to learn recently that Colin doesn't just play the piano, in fact I have a letter here that says he's recently become very handy on the sax and that's signed by the Haringey Council Waste Disposal Department. Apparently, they've been working on the restoration of an old chest of drawers. The chairman, jazz trumpeter Humphrey Lyttelton, was an unusual choice, and he seemed appalled by the format, testily setting the length of one contest at two minutes, or as long as I can stand it. 30 of Michael McIntyres best jokes and funniest one-liners Samantha first appeared on 18 May 1985. ", "Leeds galleries and museums may contain countless priceless artefacts, but keen-eyed visitors may also find here certain curiosities of no financial value, remnants from a bye-gone age guaranteed to kill half an hour. In fact, I don't think anyone ever did complain. . Introduced as "the antidote to panel games", it consists of two teams of two comedians "given silly things to do" by a chairman. Wait a minute, there's a bit here I didn't read. It would have been more, but the chain kept falling off his bike. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy panel game. The programme was first aired on April 11th1972 and the signature tune There was something about Samantha and cheesemaking - 'putting big blue veins in her Carephilly'. In fact, they no longer were my words. Sorry I Haven't A Clue is a pun- and wordplay-filled radio program on BBC Radio 4. 30. In 2005, when Garden and Naismith made plans for the first live tour (partly to supplement the paltry Radio 4 fees), the BBC tried to stop them, claiming copyright until legal advice said that neither the BBC nor Garden owned the show, which was not a format, but a series of formats. 41 of the funniest quotes from The Good Place about life and death To Michelangelo, His Holiness wants the ceiling plain magnolia emulsion. The 72nd series of the multi award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. The comedian was a stalwart on BBC Radio 4's popular panel game 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue'. Yours, Mona Lisa. "Samantha has recently taken up beekeeping with a small hive, housing just three dozen or so. Hardy rose to prominence in the 1980s, winning the. I like to ring them up, and play the sound of running water down the phone., Ive had my run-ins with booze; its well documented. Then he pointed up to the circle and said: "I was only joking. As he didn't get involved in the writing, he could make great play of being dismissive of his script and bolster his "couldn't care less" attitude. comedy panel game "I'm sorry, I haven't a clue". Bustard - very rude ominbus driver. Bliss. Mrs. Sell says it's the only thing that gets him up in the morning. She visits the old men down there every so often to get new material for the show, but it's a trifle unorganised down there. But, in 2008, after Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand broadcast an offensive phone call to the actor Andrew Sachs, the BBC introduced layers of compliance management. "When I'm Cleaning Windows" to the tune of "Walking in the Air" (Graeme Garden) 33. 30 of Stephen Frys funniest jokes and quotes Colin was telling us that he recently wrote a Horn Concerto for two Cornets. Yours etc., Mrs. Trellis. Actually, listeners will be impressed to learn that back in the 60's, Colin asked Mick Jagger and Keith Richard if he could take the place of Brian Jones. Condition: Very Good Very Good. There's also Barrow-in-Furness which involves burning garden implements, Sellafield, where the object is to try to flog off a plot of contaminated land, and of course we musn't forget Broadstairs, a game for people who are too fat to use the lift. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue - Series 1, 2 : BBC Radio 4 - Archive It was as if Humph occasionally felt the show was going too well, was too professionally slick, and he felt the need to remind us not only what a rank amateur he was, but that all those around him were even worse. Under I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue's founding compere, the late Humphrey Lyttleton, the Samantha jokes were widely recognised as masterpieces of wordplay and innuendo, but current host,. Certainly up there with "Ant looked on in horror as he went down with both hands on deck". Like whoever created Neptune literally read what Poseidon's main powers were and was like "Ctrl C". I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue is just a small part of BBC Radio 4's long proud history of gentle comedy with added smut. This houses a fine collection of vintage aircraft including the Vickers Boxkite biplane, which one Bert Hinkler flew here in 1921. Dear I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Mailing List Member. Across the 50 years, the series has only twice seemed close to ending. Naismith recalls the regulars saying that they would carry on until Humph goes and, after Lytteltons death in 2008, the recording of series 51 was cancelled. The teams suggest movie titles that might have preceded some of our best-loved classics of entertainment: We would strongly recommend hiring a car You are 103 miles from the nearest lavatory, Plenty of nightlife Watch out for the cockroaches, Stones throw from the beach Mick Jagger once vomited from the top balcony. 25 of Peter Kays most ingenious jokes and one-liners I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a half-hour comedy programme, billed as "the antidote to panel games". They said yes, and threw him in the swimming pool. 2012 Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Willie Rushton, Iain Patterson, Jeremy Hardy and Jon Naismith. Incidentally, we've just heard some great news - I'm very pleased to announce that the BBC have arranged a special collection of Colin's entire work they've bagged it up, & the council are sending some men round for it on Tuesday. One running joke (usually by Graeme Garden) is the appearance of Mr and Mrs Bennett- (Long phrase of exclamation relevant to the subject) and their son Gordon, the joke being that this is an easy cop-out (e.g., at the Builders . The inspiration was always there to do something more quirky, more daring, more stupid and, occasionally, even more outrageously knob-gag-laden. 16K views, 567 likes, 121 loves, 6 comments, 33 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Iglesia Portal Campestre: Has the i.m.p.o.r.t.a.n.t clue of the case been discovered by Rex ", "You join us again at the Everyman Theatre in Cheltenham, where we've attracted a capacity audience of some 700, odd people. 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes ", "Actually, Colin was telling us before the show that he once toured Britain with The Monkees then Mr. Chipperfield promoted him to the elephants and gave him a bigger shovel. Sun 19 Oct 2008 19.01 EDT. The chair seems equally desperate to be elsewhere, although he is now Jack Dee. Yours etcetera, Dear Leonardo da Vinci, Scrub the sitting Ive got to go to the dentist. Its an approach that has captured in the shows single most celebrated one-liner. I can tell by your face that stuff really does do exactly what it says on the tin. It regularly attracts an audience of 2.5 million listeners on Radio 4, a figure that would put it comfortably into the top ten programmes on BBC2 or Channel 4. Sell, on his living-room piano, could hear the panellists but, due to the time delay, they were singing half a bar behind. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: smuttiest jokes - satandpcguy.com I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: Too smutty for Radio 4? - The Telegraph "Samantha has been working down in the gramophone library today, where the archivists have been engaged in a heated argument about who sits at which desk to get the best view of Samantha's shapely legs. You must be kicking yourself. And Barry Cryer, much to the relief of listeners, claims I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue won't be changed or supressed, and says the row over smutty jokes has died down. 20 of The Young Ones most gloriously silly quotes. ", "Actually, Colin was telling us that he recently started on backing material with his new singer so if anyone needs some curtains run up", "Actually, listeners may be interested to hear that Colin doesn't only play the piano oh no. So says John Lloyd, brains behind Blackadder, QI, Spitting Image, and so much besides - all shows with a massive debt to I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. Stephen Frys Countryside joke was first aired on 13 April 2002, not on 4 February 2010; and Lionel Blair didnt host Give Us a Clue, but was a team captain. We are no longer accepting comments on this article. Barry Cryer Dead: 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue - Deadline We think your paintings are extremely promising. You know that whenever musicians hear that Colin's working with us, they're always very keen for news of the old maestro well, sadly, it's failed it's M.O.T. 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes 12/04/20 - 13:16 #53. To order a copy for 15.99 (incl p&p) call 0843 382 0000. Radio 4 broadcasters are discouraged from saying even the C-word, in case child listeners ask adults to spell the word out. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue - Wikipedia again, so he's had to come on his bike. After countryside, the second most legendary piece of smut is probably a report of Samanthas visit to a gastropub where she didnt fancy the landlords sausage but said shed really like his tongue in cider. Love your butter., 38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes The keeper said if he caught Colin throwing them at the ducks again, he'd call the police. P.S. I went to the pub quiz the other night first question was, What the f**k are you looking at?, Wish someone would contact me about all the other crap Ive been missold., People who are pro-smacking children say, Its the only language they understand. You could apply that to tourists., At this time of year, if your bin men knock on the door and give you a Christmas card, its traditional to tear it up and say What did you come here for? All episodes of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue Treasury - Audible.com "Stand by Me" to the tune of the William Tell Overture (Paul Merton) 31. Together they form a body of work stretching across five decades, from Cambridge in 1960 to today's world-beating Antidote to Panel Games, a laughter-bringer . So listen up, rest of the world. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue (BBC radio comedy), various - Archive I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (TV Movie 2008) - IMDb Humph redefined the role of the comedy panel game chairman. That's the problem with a knob gag: the next one only seems as funny if it's filthier. ", "Some experts believe that it might take its title from a town in Ireland, which is generally associated with meaningless nonsense. She says that she doesn't mind if they want to dicker about three times a week. Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimers 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes To see a man's true face, look to the photos he hasn't posted. 72. Jack Dee's best jokes and funniest one-liners - iNews.co.uk Dear Arch Druid of Wiltshire, You are hereby advised that planning permission has been denied for the erection of a large henge of stone. " the man who put the C into rap music Colin Sell! ", "Samantha was telling us before the show she's been visiting a nice gentleman racehorse owner in his stables recently. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: The Best of Forty Years - Goodreads 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners Barry Cryer: My life on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue | Radio Times When Humphrey Lyttelton was alive, and I'd meet fans of Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, and they discovered I wrote his scripts, the conversation would invariably . Although Blair was heterosexual, his camp manner and balletic skills seeded a game of radio mime in which the punchlines alluded to gay sex. 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley 25 of Dara Briains best jokes and funniest quotes 34 of the best Valentines Day jokes and funniest one-liners From I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, 1995. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: The Best of Forty Years - Goodreads I'm sorry, but why the fuss over fictional Samantha? He also said he had never been so proud as when fellow jazzman George Melly, probably the filthiest raconteur ever to have scandalised an audience, claimed to be shocked at what Humph was getting away with. Beloved comedian and writer Barry Cryer has passed away at the age of 86. RIP Tim. The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs There was Colin & Garfunkel, Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick Titch & Colin, The Electric Light Piano, & perhaps most interestingly, The Jackson Six. I was aware, when I started Clue, that it was a case of: Wed better get some women on, but there was no sense of making me feel unwelcome or awkward. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue - Complete JokesHosted by Humphrey Lyttelton and featuring Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden and Jeremy Hardy.ISIHAClu. Eventually we had to call Barrys son to call Barrys wife and tell him to put his headphones back on., Having got through a pandemic, the show may yet survive, in some form, an even greater global catastrophe. "Dear Mr. Gadaffi, You must be very proud. Very well, let's move on.". "Sorry I Haven't A Clue" Introduction Transcripts Jul 27, 2018 - A compilation of every single Lionel Blair joke (as well as a few with Una Stubbs and Christopher Biggins) from the BBC Radio 4 panel game "I'm Sorry I Haven. I'm Sorry I Haven't a ClueThe Complete Lionel Blair (1993-2007 Dear Moses, Just to let you know the jet ski is now in stock. "Dear Mrs Lawley, Here's an idea: How about a celebrity version of 'Desert Island Disks'? In ancient Egypt, they wrote unintelligible scribbles on walls and worshipped cats. I always thought rugby was dangerous. Innuendo, tone-deaf singing and dreadful wages: as the cherished BBC panel game celebrates its half century, we look back at its finest moments and its future. They're going on a driving tour of Wales. Sometimes I wondered if producer Jon Naismith and I took too much advantage of his easygoing insouciance. Panel Game (according to the introduction, "the antidote to panel games") broadcast on BBC Radio 4 and the "classic radio" station BBC 7. In the modern world this is known as the Daily Mail. Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue's funniest definitions to make you smile this Christmas Credit: Shutterstock The tongue-in-cheek take on the English language was introduced on Radio. I said were gonna invade Tie Rack. More than once, between tears of helpless laughter, the producer and I asked each other: "Can we actually broadcast that?". Yes, Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into. Yours in haste, Mrs. Trellis, Dear Mr. Duggleby, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why does my typewriter always stick on the letter Y? 02:49 EDT 24 Sep 2012. 49 of Monty Pythons funniest jokes Fortunately, this changed over the years, with the introduction of regular female guests including Victoria Wood (who had been identified as a future mainstay before she died at 62). Following a great roar of appreciation at the introduction of a favourite round, he once told the audience: "Now go off and invade Czechoslovakia." ", "We call the next game Word for Word; it's a word game. 100 Funny One-Liners to Crack Up Your Friends Best Hilarious Jokes But it was the first three.. Barry Cryer Dies: 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' Stalwart & Prolific Writer For Brit Comedians Was 86. I hate people who think its clever to take drugs like custom officers. In the months before he died, Humph and the team toured a stage version of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. Much play was made of Humph as the "purveyor of blue-chip filth", and he liked that title. ", "Now listeners will be surprised to hear that pop legend Cliff Richard once insisted that Colin played in The Shadows but then, he's not a pretty sight in broad daylight. The 70th series of the multi-award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. . A revered stand-up comedian, Hardy was also a hit on Radio 4 panel shows such as The News Quiz and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue. There is a paradox in that although many listeners didn't realise Humph had a written script in front of him, they were nonetheless happy to accept that he clearly didn't understand what he was reading. And yet it seems never to have occurred to many of his listeners that Humph actually had a script, even though he'd often point out during the broadcast that he was reading it for the first time. But there was a later communication that his wife and family were upset and would the BBC calm us down a bit. During that dispute, the issue of low pay was also raised. How to use Google Chromecast in Spain. ", "It's well documented in official records that the City's original name was 'Snottingham', or 'Home of Snots', but when the Normans came, they couldn't pronounce the letter 'S', so decreed the town be called 'Nottingham' or the 'Home of Notts'. This evening she has an expert beekeeper coming round to show her a few tricks of the trade, and he says he'll quickly have her 38 bees out and flying round his head."