In America, anyone can become president. Teach them to question everything. 3. I like people who buck the system. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. He would do that every decade or so, said Judd Apatow, the comedian and filmmaker who directed the documentary with Michael Bonfiglio. I love George Carlin! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm., Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist., I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. It takes up a lot of your time. Sometimes, all you have to do is get up in the morning. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.. There is nothing wrong with the planet. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. WebGeorge Carlin Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. "Life Is Worth Losing". During his 50-year career, irreverent comedian George Carlin stood in front of his audiences, questioning, condemning, and cutting through what he called "middle class crap." I think we are in a time of exponential uncertainty as a species, she said. (Closed), Inspired By Popular Movies And TV Shows, I Created Paper Collages Of The Characters (18 Pics), Hey Pandas, Show Me Some Cool "Liminal Space" Pictures That You've Taken (Closed), Hey Pandas, What Are Some Plant Care Tips You Learned That You Feel Everyone Should Know? The planet is fine. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote The table is tilted, folks, Carlin added. The planet isn't goin' anywhere, folks. Don't look for it. When you die, it all stays here., Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time., Good news for senior citizens: Death is near!, Im always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize Im listening to it., Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Documentary, Comedy, 2005. That fight was already won, Maron said. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. It's never going to get any better. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. oh we already do, for a given value of what "christian" represents So, have a little fun. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. My favorite joke from him is, "They say that quitting smoking will add 10 years to your life. What if I want to have a crappy day?, "That'd be easy. "The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. George Carlin Quotes (Author of Brain Droppings) And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. Nothing changed., Its never just a game when youre winning., Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck., One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like., Why is it that most people who are against abortion are people you wouldnt want to f**k in the first place?. 60+ Hilarious George Carlin Quotes and Jokes | Thought Catalog Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, George Carlin (2002). Hes the subject of a new documentary. Carlin Thats the problem. 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, p.193, Hachette UK, George Carlin (1998). Nobody owns anything. So while I sprang from something good and positive, by the time I showed up I was a distinct inconvenience. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. Interestingly, this is also the duty of the science fiction author. And have them happy that you did it.. There was a sense of fairness and rooting for the underdog. Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. 2. His irreverent jokes and no-holds-barred attitude made him a fan favorite but also landed him in trouble with the law more than once. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), I Collected Images Of Celebrities In Their Early Years Of Childhood (35 New Pics). So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. These George Carlin quotes on life showcase his wit, ingenuity and geniusand, occasionally, his potty mouth, which was part of his signature charm. Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. 1. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Always on the hunt for the ultimate playlist, she scours Deezer to find just the right tunes to listen to while working on her creative projects. Maybe this time itll work. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointedidealist. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. The case was later dismissed and the comedian was widely admired for his free-speech stance. 0. When it comes to comedy, there is no shortage of great performers, but his bold stance on nearly every topic, from religion to politics, set him apart from other funnymen of his era. 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin | Inspirationfeed Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question what they read. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! Continue with Recommended Cookies. WebGeorge Carlin Quotes on Death & Dying (4 Quotes) Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. He was 71 years old at the time of his death. You don't. "It's harder to be funny from the position of power. Individualists. In 1972, he was arrested for violating obscenity laws after his infamous comedy sketch, 7 Words You Can Never Say On Television. Kelly Carlin said her father always took the stand that more speech is better than less speech and would have supported Chappelles right to perform the special. [laughter] George Carlin : Well, I'm certainly not going to move there! And then it was like, this is not my job. (My older brother, Patrick, can't say the same.) ", Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things., Theres no present. Oh, George, he said, its a good thing youre dead.. Excerpted from Last Words by George Carlin with Tony Hendra. Deal with it. George Carlin, One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. George Carlin, A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. Individualists. Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate We earn from qualifying purchases. Did you enjoy this article? It just becomes something more entertaining. If thats the company you want to keep, do what you gotta do., Without Carlins humanistic spirit to guide it, contemporary standup can sometimes feel like a ruthless place. I saw his show back when he was riffing on "Stuff'" and the "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.. Carlin is a venerated figure in his chosen field who unites performers as disparate as Joe Rogan and Jim Gaffigan, but hes also someone whose influence transcends comedy. He is a touchstone shared by the psychologist Steven Pinker, the rapper and actor Ice Cube and people on social media who equate the pandemic with George Orwell novels. When he was a kid and the polio vaccine became available, he got the polio vaccine.. This Artist Reimagines Studio Ghibli Movies Into Stunning Watercolor Paintings, And Here Are 14 Of Them, Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Woman Pays A Lot Of Money For A Comfortable Seat On The Train, Elderly Woman Wants Her To Move, AITA? Theres this fearlessness in comedy now that is so fake, Glaser said. The two of them were crazy about one another. George Carlin 12. Try spelling Evian backward., In America, anyone can become president. We don't even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven't learned how to care for one another. Carlins rueful 1996 routine about conservatives opposition to abortion (they will do anything for the unborn, but once youre born, youre on your own) became a newly viral phenomenon and was shown on a recent broadcast of the MSNBC program 11th Hour. A video clip of a Carlin bit about how Americans are ravenous for war (so were good at it, and its a good thing we are were not very good at anything else anymore!) has been tweeted by Representative Ilhan Omar, Democrat of Minnesota. Welcome back. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. He died from heart failure in 2008, survived by his second wife Sally Wade, and his daughter, Kelly. fixed that for post-rona world. George Carlin Quotes on Death & Dying (4 Quotes) Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. Maher invoked the comedian George Carlin, And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. When he died, no one else could say they spoke on his behalf. Poor puppy!! Nobody "owns" anything. If this is the best God Could it be that I do is the longest sentence? George Carlin, If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? WebNobody "owns" anything. Carlin was arrested in Milwaukee in 1972 on obscenity and disorderly conduct charges. Whats that, a bonus? Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. That leftist bent was unmistakable in Carlins standup, too: He railed against police violence, championed prison reform and environmentalism and condemned organized religion. I took his shoes. According to those who knew them they were one of the great pairings of all time. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. George Carlin Quotes Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. Term limits aint going to do any good; youre just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. Never join a group that has a name. His fans include Joe Rogan and Jim Gaffigan. You can change your preferences. 0. Im tired of this shit. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. He despised euphemism and the policing of language, reviled what he called the continued puss-ification of the American male and rebuked his countrymen who would trade away a little of their freedom for the feeling the illusion of security.. George Carlin. He said he hoped for an afterlife where he could watch society crumble around us in his new life as a dead man! About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact Us, www.brainyquote.com/authors/george-carlin-quotes, www.quotes.thefamouspeople.com/george-carlin-1484.php, www.everydaypower.com/george-carlin-quotes, 21 George Carlin Quotes On Government And Politics, Top 30 Benjamin Franklin Autobiography Quotes That Will Change Your Life, Christmas Quotes For Mothers To Make Her Day, These 10 Quotes About Best Friend Love Are Perfect For Showing Your True Colors, 118+ Inspiring Christmas Quotes For Instagram That Will Bring A Warm Glow To Your Holiday Season, Mourning Your Dogs Death With Quotes From Rainbow Bridge, 15+ Rumi Quotes On Happiness That Will Boost Your Mood, These Rumi Quotes About Depression Will Bring You Comfort. Hey Pandas, What Is Something You Do That You're Not Sure Anyone Else Does? [laughter] I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. Hey Pandas, What Is Something That Happened In Your Life That You Wish Happened Again? ', He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly., Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Manage Settings Herb Ball/NBCU Photo Bank, via Getty Images. Dislocated from the time and circumstances that inspired his work, the arguments he delivered can be made to serve purposes he didnt intend. George Carlin Death Quotes and its their meanings It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.. Remembering his wisdom could make your journey through grief just a little bit easier than expected. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? I just dont have as many people who believe it., Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. It will be Nikesneakers and Smiley shirts. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, By and large, languageis a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres theself-helpsection? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. Deal with it., People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University. George Carlin Quotes on Observation, Death, Comparisons and I was conceived in a damp, sand-flecked room of Curley's Hotel in Rockaway Beach, New York. 40 George Carlin Quotes On Pride, American Dream | Turtle Quotes How? Dont give your money to the church. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose., I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds., Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. It requires a scholarship to appreciate Lenny Bruce, Maron said. Let us know what you think! Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get firedand get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin, Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. George Carlin, If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, Theres no present. High humidity and temperatures in the 90s send millions to the beaches.". if you think too much, question too much or rabblerouse the numb c***s in charge of your existence and consumption. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. You work forty years until youre young enough to enjoy your retirement. Using language that would later be echoed by Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump, Carlin observed in a 2005 routine that the interwoven systems of American economy and government were not designed to ensure the prosperity of the average citizen: Its a big club and you aint in it, he said. So arrogant. All rights reserved. and so very appropriate post 9-11. It's so fuckin' heroic., The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live., We're so self-important. My mother told me that my father hit her only once. Every day we present the best quotes! If you enjoyed the following article we humbly ask you to comment, and help us spread the word! Property is theft. Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. His wit remains a vivid memory thanks to the many Best Of George Carlin videos on YouTube that also give younger generations the opportunity to know him. Hendra, a writer and comedian, talks with Rebecca Roberts about Carlin's life and legacy. 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They performed together for some years before Carlin went solo. On the right-wing website Breitbart, Carlin has been cited as an expert on bipartisanship (the word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out) and hailed as a rebel who didnt acquiesce to authority. "George Carlin, Comic Who Chafed at Society and Its Constraints, Dies at 71". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved April 7, 2021. ^ "Saturday Night Live". Geoffrey Hammill, The Museum of Broadcast Communications. Archived from the original on August 20, 2002. Retrieved June 12, 2014. ^ "Tony Orlando and Dawn 1974 TV SHOW". Your dog thinks you're a god. You know why? God has a three-day weekend., People are wonderful one at a time. From there, he became a comedy icon, which continued up until his death in 2008 at the age of 71. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity., Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?, That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it., May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house., Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. I'm a smoker. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?, Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in., There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls., When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. Carlin was a master of comedy. He was never looking to solve the culture wars or solve Americas problems. We are! And the supreme arrogance? And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. ' Avoid teams at all costs. Keep your circle small. A leading voice that influenced other comedians and an important figure in both the counterculture and mainstream culture, George Carlin was noted for his black comedy as well as his thoughts on politics, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. He was hilarious! Olbermann confirmed this, saying that Carlin sent him a couple of one-liners about Bush and a sports joke he keeps framed on his wall.). And I didnt really care in the first place., Laugh often, long and loud. Ooops! But it's really a bizarre activity. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the Never join a group that has a name. I mean, life is tough. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them., The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.. As he explained in a 1997 interview on The Chris Rock Show, he essentially saw himself as a playful provocateur. Property is theft. I felt it was important that people not use him to undermine what we needed to do to get through this virus, she said. but i prefer pragmatist or agnostically optimistic If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?, well i dont have to go to the meeting now, The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions., As a fellow American, I can say this is 100% correct, Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music., Never argue with an idiot. He used to like to take a nap in there. But in the years since, it can feel like he never really left us. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? George Carlin would have been anti-vaccination, she said. 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